Writing Character Voice: Part Two
In theory, you understand character voice, but how do you effectively apply it to your manuscript? I’m going to break it down into four categories of techniques:
Descriptions
Remove the “I thought”
Metaphors and Similes
Opinions
Although not all of them must be used to ensure a strong character voice, many of them are beneficial. So let’s begin . . .
Descriptions
They seem like an ordinary part of storytelling that aren’t really accredited to the character. Usually, one would think it would take the author’s style to write the many descriptions of setting, of characters and anything in between. And while the above is true, it does take the author’s skill, but through the character’s lens.
If your story is from your character’s perspective, so should every element of it be. Their eyes are the readers’ now, so what will they see?
As an exercise, I’m now going to ask you this: How would your character describe a park at first glance? What would they notice first?
Would it be the families, the children playing alone, the quiet kid in the sandpit, the surrounding trees and plants, wondering if all the adults are parents or if some a creeps?
The point is that most settings don’t need to be described in great detail. What does need to be described is the thing that would catch the character’s eye first in the setting. Of course, if you require your setting to be completely described for certain reasons, do so. But most of the time, less is a lot more and personal.
So, when the opportunity arises when an observation, commentary or thought needs to be expressed in order to develop the character, to foreshadow an event or push the plot forward, how would they describe the area?
Let’s use an example from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone by J.K. Rowling. In this scene, the readers are first introduced to Dudley, Harry’s awful cousin. Although the book is written in the third person, it is from Harry’s perspective. Now, see how he describes his cousin:
“Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon. He had a large, pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes and thick, blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel—Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.”
Just from this excerpt, you can see that Harry doesn’t like Dudley just by the way he is describing him. Notice that the first thing Harry does point out is that Dudley looks like Vernon. By doing so, the reader’s not only grab a slight idea of what Dudley looks like, but knows that Harry doesn’t like Dudley just as much as he doesn’t like Vernon by making that comparison. All that in just one small sentence! Harry goes on to describe Dudley’s physical features, and by word choice, the readers can tell what he looks like but can also tell Harry’s feelings towards him. “Not much neck” and “fat head” are also very much used as a ten-year-old would, already creating such a believable character to read.
Remove the “I thought”
Are you the type of writer who separates the character's thoughts from the narration? You know, writing something like:
There has got to be another way, I thought.
I would argue with my chest that that ‘I thought’ right there is useless and disrupts the pacing of a scene. The purpose of having this internal narration is so the character can reveal their thoughts plainly. Often, the insertion of ‘I thought’ after a sentence can really break the impact of it. For example:
There was something incredible wrong, he thought, about the man smiling in front of him.
There was something incredibly wrong about the man smiling in front of him.
Do you feel the difference? The second sentence packs more of a punch because it is uninterrupted. There is also no confusion regarding whose thought that is because the readers know whose perspective they’re reading from. Because of this, there is absolutely no need to identify it as a character thought; it is perfect to be left seamlessly in the narration.
Now, this rule obviously doesn’t have to be definite. You can use the thought tags if you would like for certain moments because they definitely do work at certain times. However, become more intentional when placing them. Without them, for the most part, the character voice sounds stronger, less passive and more immersive. The narration itself is their internal thoughts. Recall how many times you were in your own head and used the ‘I thought’ tag. Probably never at the end of a thought.
However, I understand that for a lot of writers, they prefer to identify the character thoughts. If you really want the internal thought to stand out a little more than the regular narration, I would suggest putting the thought in italics and just dropping the ‘I thought’. It will do wonders for your immersion and pacing, I promise you.
Metaphors and Similes
I love using a good metaphor and simile. They are one of the more poetic ways to convey character voice and the most perfect to use for description. Metaphors and similes, however, don’t only convey imagery, but they carry emotions. Meaning the reader can learn so much about your character with such few words. But before you go crazy inserting a bunch in your manuscript right now, there are a few things to understand about your character.
Is your perspective character the type to use metaphor and simile? If so, what kind would they use?
I’ll use that same Harry Potter excerpt from earlier to help explain this one.
“Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel—Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.”
As you can see, there are two similes used in this example. One being from Petunia and another from Harry. Let’s look at Petunia’s and see what we can understand from that. Of course, we know Petunia is Dudley’s mother, which would explain the nice comparison. But as his mother, she sees all the qualities Harry described as fat and pink and turned them into the most endearing comparison: a baby angel. A baby angel sure does have all those qualities, but they aren’t mean and nasty. Petunia doesn’t see her son as mean and nasty, but an honourable little cherub who could do no wrong. The comparison is also quite fitting for a woman her age to make. Children don’t usually think of cherubs in many scenarios, so this is a great understanding of age.
Harry’s simile, on the other hand, is perfect for a ten-year-old to make. I guarantee if you were to ask anyone that age what animal they think of when they hear the word fat, they would say pig. Throughout the story, Harry often compares Dudley to a pig because he is always seen stuffing his face and looking plump in his clothes. It is undeniably understood that Harry detests his cousin, and the insult proves it.
If you haven’t read Part One of this article, I would suggest you do so. I suggested for you to create a bullet-pointed list of your perspective character’s upbringing. Refer back to that list to see the sort of similes and metaphors your character would make based on their upbringing and personality. If they grew up in a place around water and have a special connection to it, then they may make many comparisons to bodies of water.
Remember, the purpose of similes and metaphors is to allow the readers to understand something a little deeper than they usually would. It is to draw attention to whatever you’re using the techniques for so the readers can either learn something about the character, learn a lesson, reflect on an idea or really envision a setting or character.
Opinions
Opinions are one of my favourite ways to portray character voice. You can really tell a character’s mood by the way in which they express their opinions. To understand your character’s opinions, you can refer back to your bullet points and analyse the kind of upbringing they had. Why would they be feeling a certain way, thinking a certain way and have opinions about certain situations? It is imperative that you understand your character in order to successfully establish a strong character voice.
I will use another excerpt from Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone for my example of conveying opinions through a character. But first, a little backstory of Harry’s upbringing: he was left on the doorstep of his aunt and uncle’s house and, from that moment, was treated almost as if he’d never existed. The family was unkind to him, made him sleep in the cupboard under the stairs and only gave him his cousin’s second-hand clothes to wear, even though they were two sizes too big. He was awfully neglected, leading us readers to assume that his only wish was to have a loving family.
Now that you understand a little of his childhood, let’s move forward with the example. In this scene, Harry is at the zoo for his cousin’s birthday, standing in front of the boa snake.
“Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn’t have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself—no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up—at least he got to visit the rest of his house.”
In this moment, Harry really relates to the snake as you can see him making correlations between living engaged and under the stairs. For this reason, whatever he is empathising with is what he has felt before.
The above excerpt easily reveals how Harry is bored without company, though it also shows he is humble enough to recognise if someone has it worse than him. It reveals he isn’t blinded by his own pain and circumstances to see another’s. You can understand his feelings towards his own life because it is portrayed in the way he thinks about it. The subtext of his thoughts and opinions also reveals his personality and desires. He wishes for a loving family, which is why he is upset. He also reveals what he thinks about people who drum their fingers on the glass—stupid. Like his cousin had just done.
When opinions and thoughts are woven throughout the narrative like this, combined with imagery and descriptions, the reader becomes fully immersed in the story. It is extremely enthralling to read a story from a well-established character voice, and by combining the above techniques, you’re sure to establish a powerful character voice in your manuscript.
Thank you for reading!
